It's Friday. Sex?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
