I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
