He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
