Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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