Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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