I could have mohawked her pubes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
