obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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