He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
