literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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