THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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