Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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