know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
