you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
