EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
