it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
