we made out on top of his cat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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