dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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