It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
