Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
