Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
