I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
