I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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