do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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