Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
