I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
