If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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