If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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