Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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