I want to make a zoo with you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
