i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
