thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
