Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
