I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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