Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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