thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
