Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
