this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have feelings that need drinking.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
