Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
