He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
