It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
