in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
