Yo dont text me then not text me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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