Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
