As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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