So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
