You're earring is so big in my mouth
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
