life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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