Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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