I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
