He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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