All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
