I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
pray to the hookup gods
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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