Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
