ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
