I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
