I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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