it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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