John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Damn victory sex feels great
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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