He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
