I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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