So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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