so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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