My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
