Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
